I’m a mom. Not a SAHM. Not a single mom. Not the best Mom, regardless of what my kids tell you. They just don’t know all my failures, and I do make them. You will not be reading a blog from me about my perfections. Evah.
It says in the Bible, and I’m paraphrasing here: Parents do not exasperate your children… I’ve read it. You can to if you so desire, in Ephesians, chapter 6, verse 4. I’ve even told my self this verse over and over in a kind of mantra like state. Because I’ve broken this advice and done just the opposite-exasperated my children.
Today I looked up the definition of exasperation. Oh it’s a gem:
Irritate intensely; infuriate
Pleasant words right?
You can judge me guilty of the offense.
But this is a two-way street. They have also ‘intensely irritated’ me. And I’m the adult here, supposed to have it all ‘together’. I’m supposed to know that they are just learning and it’s my job to teach them.
It is. But they still can get under my skin-oy!
Since I am understanding more and more what the heck exasperation is, I am learning more and more when it may get ‘intense’.
Round these parts, all of us can get riled up when:
-the Mommy is under stress. When my obligation plate has two-too many portions that I cant’ seem to scrape off.
-the Mommy is trying to comprehend, control (ha!), understand, adapt to this thing called peri-menopause.
-when the Mommy has said no less than 20 times _______ (here you can fill in the blank: clean your room, brush your hair, feed the dog, etc. You know those seemingly every day things that they SHOULD have down by now)
-or when the Mommy is so tired her eyes are crossing.
-even just the non-stop jabber about nothing when what I needed was a little quiet time.
-the doozy: when there is any combo of the above, run just run far, far away from me. You’re welcome.
And those are all types of excuses. Regardless of the situation, we are supposed to do better. Be better. Be the good example and walk them through the moment to the other side without the drama and occasional loudness of exasperation. Yet I have failed at each and every one of those examples above. So have they, well maybe not the peri-menopause they are just children after all.
But I also know that this parenting thing isn’t easy. Don’t take that as a lame excuse. I mean it. It’s hard (how do you single/military/widowed mommies DO this? Blessings upon you. Many blessings!). There are going to be days you’re so tired you can barely stand to cook dinner which is only a box of mac ‘n cheese. There are going to be days when you are pulled in too many directions at the same time. There are going to many hours of constant, annoying chatter about nothing at all. There will definitely be those days you will have to say everything not just once, but 20 times. And yes, there will be a day that your hormones are so out of whack you shock your own self!
…and it’s going to be ok.
Parenting is hard. They are learning and so are we parents. No one is born with a “How to Parent Perfectly” manual. No. One. We all work our way through as we go.The goal is to do the best we can while not causing permanent, lasting damage.
I am so thankful I had good parents to model from. Perfect ones, no. Close, but no.
I am doing the best I can and yes I exasperate and get exasperated, but I know we are all doing our best. We are family and that bond is worth it all. We are strong. When we fail we know we will pick each other up, apologise and move forward. Becoming better for the next time. Hopefully one day, there won’t be a next time?…(right parents of 50 year olds? Shine me that light please!)
We are not wearing our rosy glasses on this one. We’ve done it wrong. We still make mistakes and we’re not giving up. I’m in for the parenting long-haul.
I’m just so grateful we also have forgiveness and the best family anyone could ever ask for.