My emotions are spent.
I took my oldest to Middle School orientation.
He was excited and nervous.
We pulled in to the parking lot and I wasn’t sure if I should walk in with him or let him go on his own. I was wondering where is that ‘line’ now that he is older.
The choice was made for me, we saw his two closest friends walking in together. With out their Mommas. Mine flew out the door to catch up to them and I watched him enter the school.
He found his comfy entry and I let go…
Oh my heart.
He wants to fly but he wants me to still make a soft landing.
It’s up to me to figure out how.
I tried. I really did try…
…to not burst into to tears until I was at least out of the parking lot.
I didn’t make it.
It’s one way in, one way out and there were a
million lot of other Mommas in the traffic line.
The tears came spilling out, and I admit, it was a surprise and it wasn’t.
I’m not much of a sap, until I am.
My youngest was in the car with me, she was clueless. My tears confused her.
Bless her heart, she tried her best to comfort me with all her precious, young wisdom.
“It’s O.K. Mom. He’s just going to a new school. He’s still coming home.”
“He’s just growing up Mom. That’s a good thing.”
“Don’t be sad Momma, he loves you and so do I.”
All of this helped.
…and also made me cry harder.
By the time I got home, I was all pretty much cried out. Until I thought of it all over again.
So I stopped thinking about it and made myself one busy lady today. We picked blackberries, did laundry and worked on work. Before I knew it, it was time to head in to do my part of the orientation.
-Read: spill some cash into the school’s pocket.
We spent a pretty penny and as far as I can tell, it’s all worth it!
Best of all, I got to bring him home for one more day.
Evening came and it was time to go to a different school and get my youngest all settled into her class. This I’ve done before. I knew what to expect and I knew I could hold her hand the whole time.
For her, but mostly for me. If she choose this year to let my hand go, I’m thinkering there would have been more tears…many…
No tears this time. It was an evening of seeing old friends, making new ones and having fun.
Until the last spill…
My sweet, young, tired girl ran and tripped in the worst way. One toe, two knees, two elbows and one forehead all took a nasty bump, bruise or cut. It was not pretty. I think the entire school heard her screams.
Thankfully I was right there, not close enough to stop her fall or catch her, but close enough I was there in a heart beat to soothe, comfort and hold.
Which I did with every ounce of my being.
All is well now.
My soul, my Mommy-hood, my heart is spent. I need the sweetness of slumber. Knowing my ‘babies’ are under one roof. Mine.
I need to re-charge.
Because tomorrow is the official first day of school. Two different busses, two different schools two different times.
Tomorrow may hold more spills…but it WILL hold many smiles.
Tomorrow wings will be unfurled and I will see my ‘babies’ begin a new flight.
Even if my vision may be a little blurry…