My son is growing up.
Getting older and bigger.
But it’s not just his body doing all that growing…his personality, emotions and mind are too.
I am amazed.
I am full of wonder at watching the process.
I want to hold him. Kiss him. Love on him.
Because I feel it in my bones that all too soon he will be gone from under my roof.
Out in the world.
On his own.
So I try to squeeze in a kiss, a touch, a hug, an anything!
Often I am stopped, altered or refused.
He is not a ‘little’ boy anymore and being kissed by ‘your mom’ is so un-cool.
Now don’t give me any lectures, I don’t in front of his friends. I figured that one out way back when he stopped waving to me from the school bus as I frantically waved good-bye to him.
My waves became way less frantic and now we have a symbol. A small, hidden-ish symbol. Just for him and me. Our symbol has replaced the waves.
I’m ok with that. Plus, blessedly, my daughter still lets me wave crazily good-bye to her still.
But I don’t think I’m ready to stop the…and how do I say this without it sounding creepy?…the physical love. The hugs. The kisses. The holding of his not so little hand. I just want to squeeze all the love I can into him every time he walks into the room.
Well most of the time…with this growing up thing comes hormones and sometimes far, far away is best. At least until he showers, then it’s squeeze in the love time again!
He isn’t ready for me to stop the squeezing either. What he does want is for me to tone it down. A little less squeezing and definitely no more kissy kisses.
My boy is becoming a man.
I love it!
I miss my little man too.
The other morning he came to me. For a hug. A real, throw your arms around you hug. He wanted some love to be squeezed in. I was over-joyed and I did my best hug ever for him! Then I probably stupidly said, thank you. To which he replied, hugs are what he still wants and every day, just not that kissing stuff.
I am thrilled to oblige and I am ecstatic that he WANTS them! Who knows how long this will last. I will hug him every chance he gives me. Probably even some hugs he doesn’t ask for. A mothers prerogative right?.
But when he asks for that ‘throw your arms around me hug’ I’m gonna do it with all the love I can, then some.
I also found out you can squeeze in the love by shooting straw wrappers at each other from across the table, talking video games and wadding up what ever is near to toss at each other. As he grows and wants less physical love, I discover new ways to squeeze in other ways to show how much I love him.
Because I love him so much.