I learned something two days ago.
It has stuck with me.
I must be very careful in the future.
This is how I learned my lesson…
I put on my swimsuit the other day and to be honest not only do I have post-pregger tummy but I also have acquired muffin back.
You do not know muffin back? Think muffin top, for the back.
My suit accentuates this *ahem* attribute.
Top that all off with Thunder Thighs thanks to the ability to squat twice my body weight back in the day. I really worked to acheive that status…no one told me the 30 year later consequences…
As I gazed upon myself in the mirror, attempting to squeeze that to there, push this up, pull that in, I said out loud- in front of my children- “Ugh…I’m so fat.”
Now am I really fat? No.
I am chunky? Yes.
Am I a bit above my target weight range? Yes.
Am I unhealthy? No.
Do I like the way I look? Only with clothes on.
Or completely naked.
Just keeping it real.
In a swim suit, no I do not like my body. True my suit is for swimming laps, it’s a push me-pull me style. A ‘minimizer’ if you will. That fit me two years ago. If I got a new suit, I’m sure I would love it, even on my body.
But I spoke the words out loud and they were witnessed by my son and *gasp* my daughter.
Five minutes later, she walks over to the same mirror and says the same words. Out. Loud. I think she believed them.
She is tiny! Well she is tall but that only makes her string bean-ish. Which she is not that even. She is perfectly porportioned. Not even an ounce of baby fat is left on her. She hasn’t gained any of the pre-puberty pudge yet either. Yet she walked over to the mirror, rubbed her tummy, turned side ways to check her booty and and said it: I’m fat.
I modeled the wrong thing in front of her. What may be true for me, is NOT true for her.
She is young, impressionable and I impressioned the wrong image upon her.
Now I will carefully speak my mind. I may lie- in front of her.
(I normally do not lie. I do not endorse lieing. I do not like to lie…unless it is on a warm, fluffy bed…)
I will say things about myself like, WOW! I look amazing! (Technically this does not have to be a lie. I could just leave off the adjectivity and last word such as …ly huge, or …ly big, or …ly jiggly.) I look fabulously in this suit! (…phat, …fat, …big).
I don’t have to lie after all. I can simply amend my statements with a spoken ‘end’ and finish them in my head.
Or not finish them at all…
Question is, can I reverse what I have begun?
It is up to mostly me. I know this.
Advertising will work against me.
Movies will uphold the advertising side.
Models will not be modeled truthfully. They will be airbrushed, computer altered and cgi generated.
Her peers will be victims of the advertising unless they have careful mommas too.
If I know one thing, I know this, I am a Strong Momma and I can fight this battle. I will too. I will fight it tooth and nail because I do not agree with skinny is the only way to be mode. Women come in all shapes and sizes.
I will begin this fight with accepting my body. Just as it is. I will keep exercising because that is healthy. I will not always eat the brownies by the row, but sometimes I will. Through it all, I will learn to embrace myself and how I look. I will stop judging me so I can stop wishing otherwise. Most importantly so I can stop projecting otherwise.
Then I will take that fight to the battle field and I will model acceptance, health and joy.
To every girl, woman and child out there. If I can love every inch of me, then how can my daughter not love every inch of her. I know I already do.
Careful Strong Momma, this is going to be a life-long battle.