Pweeeeeuuuuuu!

Smells.

They are all around us everyday.

Everywhere.

Some are pleasant, nice, enjoyable.

Others are tolerable.

And others are NOT.

My Top 10 list of stinky stinks are:

But WAIT! I am thinkering I should put in a warning or disclaimer or something…this post is disgusting! Read at your own will.

That should do it-onward!

10: That bush that smells like potty. I don’t know its name, but they plant it all throughout my lovely home town. It is only stinky for a few weeks, but oh! The smell. It’s like dog pee mixed with human beer pee. Ick. Which brings me to beer-ugh-nasty.

9: Body odor. We all have it and they make products that help tone it down, but lets face it, after a long workout only a shower will do.

8: Bad breath. Please do not get so close after eating that onion, garlic and pate sandwich for lunch.

7: Morning breath. Ewwwe. Need I say more.

6: Rotten teeth/gum breath. I mean it’s technically decay. Decay is just not a pleasant smell. Brush those chompers people. Brush them.

5. Watermelon flavored candy. Jolly Ranchers are awesome but fail at watermelon. No flavored anything in watermelon is good. Nothing. Bleck!

4: Strawberry lip gloss. Another stomach churner for me. Ick. When my girly receives some for her bday, it strangely disappears in a speedy fashion. I really don’t know where it all goes…Oh well it’s probably better to not be using all those chemicals anyway.

3: Cigarettes. They stink on so many levels. Your breath, your clothes, your hands. Eau de Cigarette is not the way to go. Give it up. You’re just killing yourself in a slow and expensive fashion. It does not look cool hangin from your lip either. You are not sexy when you exhale talk or make smoke rings or funnel back up your nose. Your sexy just got up and left you.

2: Propane and diesel. Two other instantaneous vomitations for me. If I get a whiff of the propane that is used for buses, like at NW Trek, I will hurl. I realize, it’s not really the propane gas itself as that has no odor. It’s just deadly so they add the stench to let you know when your inhaling. Seriously though, couldn’t they have chosen a better smell? I mean, ugh, that is nasty! I get it, if it smelled like beef roasting on the barby, we’d all be a little closer to dead but srsly that added smell…again ugh! And diesel, sooo not much better, it makes me nauseous and gives me the worst headache that eventually leads to a migraine. Not fun.

1: Fish. Any kind, any way-cooked, raw or even frozen. I realize that when it’s frozen there really isn’t much of a smell but there will be as soon as that fishy thaws. I hate the smell of fish! I don’t care if it is poached in a garlic cream sauce, it smells nasty and is a sad waste of good garlic and cream. I abhor the smell of fish so much so that I will hold my breath until I am out of the area. If I don’t, the smell alone will make me vomit. I’m not kidding. So if you see my sprawled on the floor Central Market, near the tanks of gross, just drag me toward the exit. I apparently took too long picking out my potatoes and passed out from lack of oxygen.

0: Yes I realize I am at and now over 10, but I have learned I have many disagreeable smelly smells. And this is not a math quiz…

0: Seafood. Clams, oysters, goeducks, shrimp, lobsters any seafood is a NO for me. True I am allergic to shellfish so I do not eat it. Nor is it cooked in my house but I have friends (surprising I know!) and family that do eat some if not all of the above. There are times I must suck it up and do the best I can with the odoriferous scents of seafood choking around me. However, if you see me at Red Lobster please note that the lighter shade of pale in my pallor is due to my herculean effort of not breathing throughout the meal.

And my top worst smell of all…

The grossest, most disgusting, gonna lose it all odor is:

The dog rolling in fish guts that a neighbor has left in the woods.

Do you know it takes not one but TWO very bubbly baths to get out that smell? Yes. It does. Occasionally it might even take THREE! But that’s ok, better to get it all off then catch a whiff again later.

This is how my lovely evening was ruined tonite. My pup who had been enjoying her outdoor romp too much came home happy as a ‘clam’. Wet and sticky and oh so putrid. Not only did I almost toss my caramel sundae cookies, so did the kidlets. There was a bit of chaos, screaming and flailing of bodies running about the house gathering dog bathing items.

During the washing process of TWO baths, Li’l k was attempting all kinds of un-stinkifying options: light candles, open the doors and windows, she even asked if she should get the bottle of perfume to spray all over the dog after the bath. Bless her little heart for trying so hard. Big K, well he got wise and got me what I needed then made a scarcity of himself to the other level of the house that was not permeated with the stench. Bless him for doing his duty then taking care of himself while I was otherwise occupied. Smart kidlets I have indeed!

There you have it. My top ’10’ list of icky-poo smells. There are more, I could list more, but I think my tummy can handle no more. Not tonite. The queasy is still too there, the reality of offensive odor too close. Time to call it done. Perhaps in the future I shall grace you with another list of stink but for now, t’is enough.

Let’s think lovely thoughts now. I’d hate to leave you with your own nausea… Picture a beach in warm, sunny Hawaii, sipping a refreshing drink while lounging on a white chair, nibbling coconut and pineapple…

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About Sheila's Thinkerings

Happily married wife, happily mommied mom. I am far from perfect but I don't mind. Also I am a wee bit crazy, it's true. Just ask anyone who's ever met me...
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2 Responses to Pweeeeeuuuuuu!

  1. Tanya says:

    Thanks for trying but all I can smell is kitty roca. The box is not that bad but tonight, that is all that is filling my space. I believe you missed at least one though – along with strawberry lip gloss and watermelon flavoring you need to add bubble gum. šŸ™‚

  2. Sheila's Thinkerings says:

    Yes I left out a few…and bubblegum is definitely one of them!

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