I have been going, going and going. Like the Energizer Bunny. I’ve been working which has been busy because of all that is happening there right now. I’ve had 4 meetings in the past 24 hours. The house…oh the house…sure it coulda gone a few more days in the state of disaster that is was in, but I couldn’t function. I had to clean some of it. Had to. Sanity people!
Then came today. I knew it was coming and I knew all that it held. So much. Not just stuff and things to be done, but emotionalities. There was emotion today. I knew that was coming too. I tried to stop it, but you can’t stop time, that’s an impossibility. What has been coming for so long now has begun its arrival and there is nothing I can do but embrace it with open arms. I will smile my way through it and when it’s over that smile, which may or may not have been pretend, will be real. And it will have been worth it!
But today the beginning became R E A L. I had to open my arms for that first embrace, and that took an emotional toll. One that surprised me, I wasn’t quite as prepared as I thought I was. Go figure…I had to appear to be strong and soothe the fears that also arrived with this embrace. For all of us because this situation will affect us all. My job is to be that foundation that does not weigh down, but lifts up. Secures safety without using handcuffs. Embrace without crushing in a death grip or so lightly that things slip through.
No one really can explain the emotional lenghts you must have to be a parent. I don’t think that is possible.
It took a lot out of me. More than I had expected. I had two meetings today. I went to one and played hookie for the other. Last week I had said that I wouldn’t be there for that second one, so I don’t really know if you can call this a true hookie. I honestly thought ‘meeting one’ was going to be longer than it was. When it ended earlier than expected, I thought I would go to the other. But after assessing my state of being I knew an evening of catching up on The Biggest Loser episodes was a better idea. Then looking at my family it was certain. They needed Mom and I needed them.
That is just what we did. All of us. We ate dinner, then ice cream and watched that show on Hulu-love me some Hulu! It was just the right thing to do. For us, on this night.
I am not a huge proponent of playing hookie, but it has it’s time, place and need. When conditions are right, I am smart enough to use it. Tonite, it was exactly what my family and I needed. Down time, with each other. I chose hookie and spent time on us.