What a difference-oh my!
I have one of each, a boy and a girl. Every day I am amazed at the difference between the two, yet astounded at the similarities. They are worlds apart, from the same world.
For instance today my daughter came home from school and told me about her day, her bad day.
Her very bad day.
My son has had bad days. We’ve talked about them and the choices that he has, what he needs to do and how. We work out a plan apply the solution. It was very rare to have tears and drama with him. Hugs were not as uncommon, (thankfully for the mommy!). Just talk, think, work it out. Not much drama. Then its done. Over. Fin. Movin on.
Not so with a daughter. I know. I tried the same techniques as have worked with my son. They do not work the same way for her. She needs more. She needs comfort. She needs more vocabulary-adjectives, nouns and adverbs- to make sure I get the WHOLE story. Every detail. Then she MUST tell me it all again.
She needs to cry it out. While I’m right next to her, holding her hand or brushing her hair with my fingers. (In all honesty I don’t mind loving on her-I could do it for hours!). Just letting her cry it out. Then she needs to tell me the story again. To be sure I really, truly understand.
Then, maybe, hopefully, she is ready to talk about choices and how we can make it better.
She also needs reassurance that the world is not going to end because of this whole thing. She also needs to know that she is not in trouble. She needs that piece of mind. The knowledge that her life is not over.
I let her know she is a growing girl and has things to learn. I let her know its ok to make mistakes as long as we do our best to make them right again. And I let her know if the fault was not hers, there will be no punishment. Mostly I let her know and really, truly try to get her to understand that its OK. There is an end and a solution to the whole thing.
When it’s over she’ll be smarter, stronger and ready to try again. Or not. That is always a choice and sometimes, hard as it is, it’s the right one. Sometimes you have to let go, heal and move on.
This time, this situation, is a big one. It is affecting many young, precious girls. Each who has something to learn, something to gain and choices to make. Each one of them are wonderful girls and this is just one of those growing up things that we all had to go through.
I’m excited to see them all on the other side of this. Stronger, smarter girls.
It will be amazing indeed!
Worlds apart. I know my son went through this same situation. The only difference was they were all boys and it was over quickly. Every one of them are still friends to this day. They all dealt with it, figured it out, did what they needed to do and moved on.
My heart and my hope is the same happens for the girls.