My soul needs…

what?

Sugar?

Nah, I already give it that, even though it doesn’t need it.

Hope?
No. I’m still good in that area. I have trust and therefore hope.

Laugter?
Always, but then I laugh every day.

Love?
Yes and No. You can never receive or give too much love.

Then what in the world is my soul lacking that it keeps telling me it’s empty over here, in this spot? Oh it seems a bit dusty here too…

Bingo! There lies the problem. I am looking in the world. My soul is asking for me to look to Heaven. To Abba, Jehovah-Jireh, El Shaddai. My soul is asking me to look to God. My soul is missing something I am not giving or doing or being. I am missing something and looking in the wrong place. Typical of me.

I pray. I talk with God. I think on things He has taught me. I live things He has taught me. I fail things He has taught me. I try again. I am full of love, laughter, hope and joy yet my soul is asking me to pay closer attention. Something is not matching up.

What am I missing?

I don’t know yet. If I did, my soul would stop asking. Or at least become less persistent…I think…

I am not worried. I am looking, praying. I am patient. I am human. Somehow, someday -probably soon according to the level of asking- I will figure out the answer. Or the Holy Spirit will knock me up along side the head. He’s done it before, I’m stubborn. Sometimes I need that. Totally true. Got to keep it real.

I keep searching and asking in my prayers ‘what am I missing’. I wonder if I should stop asking that and try ‘what I am I refusing’…that could be it. Stubborn remember.

So I will keep trying, I can’t ignore my own soul, that would be suicide. Does that sound strong? I don’t mean to, but it makes sense. If you deny your soul, then don’t you die? And if you did the denying, then didn’t you just, well, kill yourself? Ok maybe not physically die, but who enjoys being a shell walking, being lead, going through the motions of life? Who wants to love and hang out with a shell person? I do not want to be a shell. I want to be a living being. I want to be full. I want to live my life to its fullest! I want to dance. I want to Give. Even in my soul.

This is a season. All people, regardless of their identities have seasons. This is my season, right now. I will get through it. My brain will eventually figure out what my soul is asking for. I’ve already paid attention and realized where I need to be looking. It’s a beginning to the end of this season. I am so excited to see what comes next!

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About Sheila's Thinkerings

Happily married wife, happily mommied mom. I am far from perfect but I don't mind. Also I am a wee bit crazy, it's true. Just ask anyone who's ever met me...
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